Rush Limbaugh launches his own brand of iced tea

September 2024 ยท 3 minute read

It's Rush Revere! Rush Limbaugh launches his own brand of (patriotic) iced tea

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Now we know what devoted Tea Party members will be drinking at their summer barbecues.

Right-wing radio host Rush Limbaugh today revealed he is launching his very own brand of iced tea.

Fed up of trying to fight the current 'oppressive regime' on the airwaves, the controversial presenter hopes he can take make his mark on America with a patriotic beverage instead.

New venture: Rush Limbaugh revealed he is launching his own brand of iced tea on his radio show today - and it comes with a typically patriotic message

New venture: Rush Limbaugh revealed he is launching his own brand of iced tea on his radio show today - and it comes with a typically patriotic message

Emblazoned with a picture of Limbaugh dressed in full colonial costume, 'Two If By Tea' takes its name from Longfellow's famous poem, Paul Revere's Last Ride, about the arrival of British troops during the War of Independence.

According to its website, the tea represents 'traditional American values of capitalism and the pursuit of excellence', and each bottle 'is designed to rise above the sameness and mediocrity that threatens our great nation.'

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Limbaugh announced the unexpected new sideline halfway through his show this morning, saying: 'There I am in all of my glory on every bottle on the shrink wrap...as Rush Revere. The liberals are coming, folks!'

Patriotic: The website for Two if by Tea depicts Limbaugh in full colonial garb on a horse, and draws its name from the poem Paul Revere's Ride

Patriotic: The website for Two if by Tea depicts Limbaugh in full colonial garb on a horse, and draws its name from the poem Paul Revere's Ride

Full range: Limbaugh fans can try two flavours, both of which are available in diet

Full range: Limbaugh fans can try two flavours, both of which are available in diet

PAUL REVERE'S RIDE

Paul Revere's Ride was written by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow in 1861. It opens with:

Listen my children and you shall hear

Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere,

On the eighteenth of April, in Seventy-five;

Hardly a man is now alive

Who remembers that famous day and year.

He said to his friend, 'If the British march

By land or sea from the town to-night,

Hang a lantern aloft in the belfry arch

Of the North Church tower as a signal light,--

One if by land, and two if by sea;

And I on the opposite shore will be,

Ready to ride and spread the alarm

Through every Middlesex village and farm,

For the country folk to be up and to arm.'

Describing it as 'kick butt', he urged his listeners to go online and fork out $23.76 for a 12 pack.

He said: 'You are going to want to chug it and you are going to regret you didn't order more after you taste it.'

Following a long line of new product promoters, he told listeners: 'It tastes just like my mother used to make iced tea when I was growing up.'

And he didn't just put himself on the label - according to his website, Limbaugh went through dozens of blind tasting sessions and is now an accredited tea tasting specialist.

It comes in original and raspberry flavours, and both are available in low-calorie versions.

But he reassures dieters: 'you still get a dose of pure Americana in every single drop you taste.'

A percentage of every sale will go to the Marine Corps Law Enforcement Foundation, a charity which helps the children of servicemen who died in combat.

He said: 'I wanted to demonstrate that even in this economy, with an oppressive regime like the one we have standing in the way of economic growth that it can still happen with ambition and with ingenuity and with desire.'


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